SWC series: Chapter 2 (pt. 1)

fun with pudding! May 2012

Okay readers! I'm continuing my series on The Strong-Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson. To reemphasize, I am simply reading through this book again and quoting notable thoughts from the book for easier reference. All rights belong to the author. I claim no insight of my own.

Ch. 2 Shaping the Will (part one of two)

"When a child behaves in ways that are disrespectful or harmful to himself or others, his hidden purpose is often to verify the stability of the boundaries. This testing has much the same function as a policeman who turns to doorknobs at places of business after dark. Though he tries to open doors, he hopes they are locked and secure. Likewise, a child who assaults the loving authority of his parents is greatly reassured when their leadership holds firm and confident."

1. Define the boundaries before they are enforced.

"The child should know what is and what is not acceptable behavior before he is held responsible for those rules... If you haven't defined it, don't enforce it!"

2. When defiantly challenged, respond with confident decisiveness.

"In a moment of rebellion, a little child will consider his parents' wishes and defiantly choose to disobey."

"The child has made it clear that he is looking for a fight, and his parents would be wise not to disapoint him! Nothing is more destructive to parental leadership than for a mother or father to disintegrate during that struggle. When the parent consistently loses those battles, resorting to tears and screaming and other evidence of frustration, some dramatic changes take place they are 'seen' by their children. Instead of being secure and confident leaders, they become spinless jellyfish who are unworthy of respect or allegiance."

3. Distinquish between willful defiance and childish irresponsibility.

"A child should not be spanked for behavior that is not willfully defiant."

4. Reassure and teach after the confrontation is over.

(this section is fully quoted because it is SO good!)
"After a time of conflict during which the parent has demonstrated his right to lead (particularly if it resulted in tears for the child), the youngster between two and seven (or older) may want to be loved and reassured. By all means, open your arms and let him come! Hold him close and tell him of your love. Rock him gently and let him know, again, why he was punished and how he can avoid the trouble next time. This moment of communication builds love, fidelity, and family unity. And for the Christian family, it is extremely important to pray with the child at that time, admitting to God that we all have sinned and no one is perfect. Divine forgiveness is a marvelous experience, even for a very young child."

5. Avoid impossible demands.

"Be absolutely sure that your child is capable of delivering what you require. Never punish him for wetting the bed involuntarily..."

6. Let love be your guide!

"A relationship that is characterized by genuine love and affection is likely to be a healthy one, even though some parental mistakes and errors are inevitable."

-- To spank or not to spank--

(corporal punishment vs. child abuse)- "[corporal punishment] is a teaching tool by which harmful behavior is inhibited, rather than a wrathful attempt by one person to damage another. One is an act of love; the other is an act of hostility, and they are as different as night and day. "

"A spanking is to be reserved for use in response to willful defiance, whever it occurs. Period! It is much more effective to apply it early in the conflict, while the parent's emotional apparatus is still under control, than after ninety minutes of scratching and clawing. In fact, child abuse is more likely to occur when a little youngster is permitted to irritate and agitate and sass and disobey and pout for hours, until finally the parent's anger reaches a point of explosion where anything can happen (and often does)."

"If punishment doesn't influence human behavior, then why is the issuance of speeding citations by police so effective in controlling traffic on a busy street? ... both reward and punishment play an important role in shaping human behavior, and neither should be discounted. Leonardo da Vinci... wrote, 'He who does not punish evil commands it to be done!.' "

"Let me hasten to emphasize that corporal punishment is not the only tool for use in shaping the will, nor is it appropriate at all ages and for all situations. The wise parents must understand the physical and emotional charactersitics of each stage in childhood, and then fit the discipline to a boy's or girl's individual needs."

Dr. Dobson continues Chapter 2 by listing specific age categories and offering a few practical suggestions. To be continued!

The Strong-Willed Child notes: Chapter 1

I've spoken with several mommas out there that would love to read the super-helpful book by Dr. James Dobson entitled, "The Strong-Willed Child" but they just don't have the time! I borrowed the book from a friend of mine (Debbie from the ultrasound bus!) and have taken a few notes. I'll go chapter by chapter for easy reference.

All quotations are from the book. I claim no insight of my own. Just the facts, ma'am.
Copyright 1978 by James Dobson

Chapter One: The Wild and Wooly Will

"Just as surely as a dog will occasionally challenge the authority of his leaders, a little child is inclined to do the same thing, only more so."

"Adult leadership is rarely accepted unchallenged by the next generation; it must be 'tested' and found worthy of allegiance by the youngsters who are asked to yield and submit to its direction."

"[The] respect for strength and courage also makes children want to know how 'tough' their leaders are."

"The ultimate paradox of childhood is that boys and girls want to be led by their parents, but insist that their mothers and fathers earn the right to lead them."

" Treat your child with sincere love and dignity, but require him to follow your leadership. Choose carefully the matters which are worthy of confrontation, then accept his challenge on those issues and win decisively. Reward every positive, cooperative gesture he makes by offering your attention, affection, and verbal praise. Then take two aspirin and call me in the morning." 

"It would appear that the strong-willed child may possess more character and have greater potential for a productive life than his compliant counterpart. However, the realization of that potential may depend on a firm but loving early home environment. Thus, I repeat my admonition: begin shaping the will of that child while he is in toddlerhood. (Notice that I did not say crush the will, or destroy it, or snuff it out.)"

Cities4Life

Sooooo totally didn't mean to skip March but times have been crazy busy. I've been almost wearing myself out doing life: family, church, traveling, building a business, getting ready for my craft/yard sale, AND growing another baby! A nap sounds really nice right now, but I MUST blog! :) Here are some cute pictures of Michael and John going on a joy-ride on the lawnmower. He's outside AND with Daddy, so John is a happy little boy. 

 Yesterday, I had my 2nd and last ultrasound done at this really amazing place: My friend Debbie and I were volunteering our baby-bellies to help train nurses to use the sonogram equipment so that they could go out and offer free ultrasounds to pregnant ladies considering abortions. My ultrasound was done in their portable ultrasound RV that they park in the parking lots of abortion clinics in the Charlotte area. They are saving lives and people are being brought into a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ and the great love He has for them and their unborn child. It was a neat experience. 

Here are some pictures to give you a better idea of what it looked like:

"Buckle up Ladies!"

Debbie's sweet daughter, Eleanor. Debbie in the background with the nurses.

yeah, I'm a blogger. Take our picture! :) 

The ministry that provides this life-saving service is called Cities4Life. (www.cities4life.org)

"Cities4Life is not simply an event or a ministry; it is a culture. We exist to create a culture of Life in every city where the death of unborn children exists. We seek to transform the culture of death brought about by the abortion industry, to a culture of LIFE in our cities as we work to mobilize the body of Christ to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. This is accomplished by uniting and supporting grassroots, Gospel-centered ministries dedicated to proclaiming the Truth of Jesus Christ, exposing the deeds of darkness and providing tangible support to abortion-minded mothers at local abortion clinics. 

So the question is... what can you do? PROCLAIM. PROVIDE. PRAY."

-Cities4Life brochure.

I encourage all of you reading this to first and foremost, stop what you're doing, and pray for revival in America. The hearts of the mothers and the fathers need to be turned to their children again. 

"Behold I am going to send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and terrible day of the Lord. He will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, so that I will not come and smite the land with a curse." Malachi 4:5,6

Secondly, while you're praying, ask God what He would have you do to stand with Him and His Church for the lives of the innocent children that are killed every day in our nation. 

We need a heart-change and then we need to MOVE where the Spirit leads. 

Give us Your love, Father, and the boldness to live it out!

If you have any questions about Cities4Life, you can contact Jenny Starnes at--- jenny@jeremiahscall.org

Giving Love & Receiving Grace

This might be a long one- I've got a lot to say. The last few weeks have been really good. Challenging but good. Father God has been faithfully speaking a lot of good stuff to me lately. Thus, I'm writing this post so as to share and so I don't forget it! :) The first revelation in this string of revelations came on a morning where I was barely functioning. So tired. A little bit at my wits end. And ya know, when your mind is out of the way because it's not quite there, God's voice is able to come in a lot clearer! Get my own thoughts out of the way so His thoughts can come right on in.

Becoming apParent

The last four days have moved in slow motion. This new pregnancy is interesting. For those of you with more than one offspring, you will understand: I'm forgetting about it and yet at the same time, it has still absolutely changed everything. I guess I have more going on in my personal life this go around to be so engrossed in looking at pregnancy websites and all that. Plus, I've been there done that. But there is still a "wow" factor. This go around, I will be giving birth at a birthing center in SC. I'm very excited :)