I've been really trying lately to remind myself of God's love for me and others. This morning I had to run a quick errand for my wonderful hubby and I was praising the Lord (My spirit told my flesh to praise). I was finishing my errand and this lady totally offended me over something super tiny. I got irritated and said a few of my favorite choice words. Not to her. I did tell her to "Chill" though :-/ Anyway, I got back in the car and was stewing over it all. Then I realized how ridiculous it all was. That's what happens a lot to me when I'm trying to kill the flesh to let my spirit live (lose your life to find it...) the old man who loves sin and darkness and offense stands up and says, "Not so fast!" So what did I do? I laughed at myself. And repented for being willing to worship God but unwilling to humble myself and truly remain in a place of gratitude for what Jesus has done for me (and for that lady, though she might not know it!)
When I was at IHOP-Atlanta, sitting for hours meditating on the love of God and His mercy and justice was a part of my daily life. Granted, the seasons have changed. I'm called to something new. Growing into a mother and still learning about Godly marriage. But my focus should still be on Him, who has called me. Who is able to complete what He has started. Who enjoys my company. Who despises the darkness and the hypocrisy of my heart but loves me enough to pull me out. His mercy triumphs over judgement. He has a plan to purify and perfect what He began in me so many years ago (Thank you, Jesus, for drawing me to Yourself for so long)
I have to believe that He enjoys me. I have to believe that He wants me with Him where HE IS, seated in heavenly places, at the right hand of the Father, where there are pleasures forever more. And I know it's an every day, every moment choice. To Abide in my flesh and say "the righteousness I have procured for myself is good enough" Which is stupid. OR to Abide in the Vine of the Holy Spirit and rest in the righteousness given to me. Paid for by the blood of a Holy Son who was slaughtered innocently for me, the guilty one.
And I am guilty. But He chose His sacrifice. He chose it because He wants me. He wants you, the reader. So I chose my sacrifice. To continually sacrifice the old man. Because I am not that person. I was created in the flesh but God also breathed His breath into me. I am spirit.