Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Giving Love & Receiving Grace

This might be a long one- I've got a lot to say. The last few weeks have been really good. Challenging but good. Father God has been faithfully speaking a lot of good stuff to me lately. Thus, I'm writing this post so as to share and so I don't forget it! :) The first revelation in this string of revelations came on a morning where I was barely functioning. So tired. A little bit at my wits end. And ya know, when your mind is out of the way because it's not quite there, God's voice is able to come in a lot clearer! Get my own thoughts out of the way so His thoughts can come right on in.

 I was driving to church with John in the back seat and I was just thanking the Lord for everything. Counting my blessings one by one. As I looked back and forth between the road and my handsome son, I was specifically thanking God that He has blessed me with children to teach me patience and selflessness and self-sacrifice. And I was just saying to God, I want to be like a tree planted by living waters (Psalm 1). Bearing fruit. So my children and all those around me can come and sit down in my shade and rest and take great delight in the fruit of my life (Song of Solomon 2:3), specifically the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5: 22-25) made evident in my life like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When I was speaking of the verse in Song of Solomon to God, He brought to my attention that that verse was describing the bridegroom, Jesus. My goal in this life is to be like Jesus, first and foremost. To have His character and His likeness. Not just to rehabilitate the old-Laura, but to completely die to myself so that Jesus can live and shine through me, giving me new more abundant life. To decrease so that He may increase (John 3:30). I want to look like Jesus. That beautiful tree that bears good, sweet fruit that brings delight, not only to Him, but to those around me.

The second great revelation I've had was about my Melaleuca business. In such perfect timing, He showed me the verse 2 Corinthians 3:5 which says (paraphrased) Our only success comes from God. So I've taken that and recommitted my business and all my other hopefully-money-making endeavors to Him, to either make them a success or not and if it does become successful, all glory goes to Him who made it so. All I'm called to do is be a servant to others and trust Him with the rest.

The third revelation came just today at my women's bible study at church. Without going into a TON of backstory, through this bible study He has been showing me (among other things) how closed off I am emotionally with people due to some life-lessons I've had in my past and other situations. He's been showing me how I've built walls and that I only go so far with people, even with the people that are closest to me, to keep what "safety I have", which is such a dangerous deception. But as I was flipping through my bible to find a verse this morning, He led me to the end of Matthew. Not a verse in Matthew. But on the last page of Matthew, there was written a phrase that shook me. "Love will never fully satisfy until it is fully given away." At the risk of being maybe a little too personal, I need to confess that I have been stingy with my love, especially with Michael, my husband. I publicly repent of that and my aim is to give love fully and freely. He and I will both disappoint each other because it's inevitable in marriage. Our love isn't perfect, but I MUST fully give it. We're celebrating our 4 year anniversary on April 12th and I don't want to waste another minute being selfishly guarded against the man that I have chosen to walk through life with. See?? Even sharing that was a huge step for me.... but there ya go. A little insight into my life.

And what would a blog post be without a picture of this handsome guy?? He is a GIFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just a man and his thoughts.... and his phone...

1 comment:

  1. We were created by God to serve him and love him fully, Our Bible study on Friday was on the attributes of God we had a big discussion on fate and faith in God and how we are to give of ones self completely and what that means to us. We talked about giving our selves to God completely, in ever way 100% if giving up lives up to him I wish I had had a tape recorder to get it all. It made me think about my life and how I need to let God lead me and give of myself to him in all things I do. Through God our Melaleuca business will proper if we give it to him and allow him to do his work. Leigh Anne